I don’t think I’ve ever exchange a day of my life for today, I did technically, but I didn’t live it that way. I have survived my life. I’ve worked hard almost every day and my family has probably had a better group of opportunities then I had growing up. The feeling still exists that not every opportunity was lived to the fullest. I don’t feel that anyone caused my life to be this way other than me. I now know there were so many things I could have done.
From the time I can remember, my fullest attention was on self-protection. I just had to survive the day. No one could be trusted enough to release my ability to live fully – everyone is eventually going to disappoint me. Being stoic has its emotional advantages; you understand that ennui was the eventual result. You have been prepared for this outcome and are insouciant. You have avoided all the emotional distressed of a changed relationship.
Changing this emotional response is difficult.
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It's a good thing your my Dad or I wouldn't have any part of me that's grounded :) p.s. change usually is difficult, but change is like the sea so it's just going to keep coming & coming until your rock is rounded & maybe refined down to sand.
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